Topic Battle

The internet claims victory in this unlikely confrontation between megafauna and metadata, demonstrating that omnipresence ultimately trumps omnipotence. The bear, despite millions of years of refinement and the ability to physically destroy anything smaller than a small automobile, cannot compete with a phenomenon that has colonised human attention itself.

Consider the metrics. The internet reaches 5.3 billion humans; bears encounter perhaps a few thousand annually, mostly to their mutual regret. The internet operates continuously, without need for hibernation or salmon; bears require both extensively. The internet remembers everything forever; bears operate largely on instinct and the location of reliable berry patches.

Yet the bear teaches us something the internet cannot: the value of disconnection. During hibernation, bears achieve what modern humans increasingly cannot - months of uninterrupted rest without checking notifications, responding to emails, or engaging with strangers' opinions. Perhaps the bear's true victory lies not in the comparison itself but in its complete indifference to the outcome.

The internet wins this battle decisively. The bear, one suspects, would not care either way, and there is wisdom in that indifference that no algorithm has yet replicated.