Electric Scooter
Death
Death's speed characteristics defy conventional measurement. In acute cases, death arrives with startling rapidity: cardiac events, accidents, and similar circumstances demonstrate response times measured in seconds. Yet death also demonstrates patience that borders on geological, with some arrivals requiring nine decades of preparation. This variable speed profile makes death impossible to outrun permanently, though electric scooter accidents occasionally accelerate introductions. Philosophers note that death moves at precisely the speed required to meet its appointments.
VERDICT
The electric scooter wins on quantifiable speed metrics, though death's patience often proves more effective than raw velocity.