Where Everything Fights Everything
Extremely slow-moving arboreal mammal that has perfected the art of energy conservation.
Giant ape with a thing for tall buildings.
The Winner Is
This investigation reveals a fundamental distinction between passive and active defensive philosophies. The hedgehog has refined the art of making itself not worth attacking: its spines transform predation from rewarding activity to painful folly. This strategy requires no special powers, makes no enemies, and has sustained the species through geological time scales.
Gandalf, conversely, operates in a threat environment where passive defence would prove immediately fatal. One cannot curl into a ball when Balrogs are involved. His active defence methodology, backed by divine authority and considerable combat capability, proves essential for his mission but generates conflict the hedgehog wisely avoids.
For sheer survival longevity, the hedgehog's approach demonstrates superior optimisation. It has persisted for 15 million years without requiring resurrection, divine patronage, or dramatic confrontations with embodied evil. Yet longevity alone does not constitute victory. The hedgehog's continued existence produces no particular impact beyond its own perpetuation. Gandalf's interventions have shaped the fate of worlds.
In the final assessment, Gandalf claims narrow victory through the superior consequentiality of his actions. The hedgehog survives magnificently but achieves nothing beyond survival. Gandalf has saved Middle-earth from darkness, a contribution the hedgehog cannot match regardless of how effectively it curls. Sometimes the universe requires more than becoming an unpleasant sphere, and for those occasions, one must call upon resources the hedgehog simply does not possess.