Where Everything Fights Everything
Extremely slow-moving arboreal mammal that has perfected the art of energy conservation.
Disney's original mascot and corporate icon.
The Winner Is
This investigation has examined two entities united only by their pointy protrusions yet representing fundamentally different approaches to existence. Wolverine claims victory with a score of 56 to 44, though the margin reflects a closer contest than casual observers might anticipate.
The mutant's advantages in defensive and offensive capability proved decisive in the quantitative assessment. A healing factor that permits survival of nuclear explosions and claws that slice through tank armour represent capabilities the hedgehog simply cannot match through keratin spines and insectivorous teeth. In any direct confrontation, the outcome would not merit documentation.
However, the hedgehog mounted a surprisingly robust challenge in categories requiring real-world impact. Fifteen million years of biological survival represents a track record no fictional character can claim. The combined cultural influence of Sonic the Hedgehog and generations of children's literature creates a footprint that rivals Marvel's most popular mutant. And the sheer quantity of public affection directed toward small spiny mammals building nests in suburban gardens speaks to an emotional resonance Wolverine's tragic brooding cannot match.
The philosophical lesson may be that different forms of excellence serve different purposes. Wolverine excels at surviving enemies who wish to destroy him; the hedgehog excels at existing in a world that increasingly wishes to protect it. Both approaches have merit, though only one requires a costume budget.