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The Winner Is
King Kong
58 - 42
This analysis reveals two primate strategies so fundamentally opposed as to constitute entirely different answers to the question of existence. King Kong wins decisively in categories measuring power, presence, and sheer spectacleโhe is, after all, designed specifically to dominate these domains. Yet the sloth claims victory in categories that arguably matter more to sustained survival: efficiency, tranquility, and the capacity to exist without constant conflict. Kong's victories are loud and destructive; the sloth's are quiet and sustainable. In the final accounting, one observes that Kong exists only in fiction whilst sloths continue their unhurried existence across Central and South American rainforests, having outlasted the dinosaurs through the simple expedient of being too slow to notice the apocalypse.