Topic Battle

Monday's authority is structurally embedded in human civilisation. It dictates when billions of people must cease leisure activities and resume productivity. Entire economies synchronise to its rhythm. Stock markets open, schools resume, and the collective human sigh becomes audible from space.

Yet Monday holds no formal qualifications. It has completed zero years of training. It cannot be questioned, appealed to, or reasoned with. Its authority derives purely from consensus—a form of power that philosophers might describe as terrifyingly arbitrary.

Monday possesses no healing properties whatsoever. In fact, it actively undermines the restorative effects of weekends. Any relaxation achieved during Saturday and Sunday is systematically dismantled by Monday's arrival.

Some argue that Monday offers the 'healing power of routine,' but this is propaganda disseminated by productivity consultants. Monday does not heal; it merely provides structure for suffering.

Monday demonstrates what scientists might call absolute temporal certainty. It arrives precisely when scheduled, regardless of human preference, prayer, or elaborate Sunday evening denial rituals. No amount of negotiation, rescheduling, or polite requests will delay its arrival by even a single second.

Remarkably, Monday has achieved a 100% arrival rate throughout recorded human history. It has never once failed to appear. It does not take bank holidays personally. It simply waits, recalibrates, and returns the following week with renewed vigour.

Monday has refined stress induction to an art form of anticipatory dread. The phenomenon known as the 'Sunday Scaries' begins approximately 4 PM on Sunday, when the human brain suddenly remembers that Monday exists. This preemptive anxiety is entirely Monday's doing.

Studies suggest that Monday accounts for the highest rates of heart attacks, sick days, and dramatic sighing in the workplace. It accomplishes this feat simply by existing—no active intervention required. Monday is passively devastating.

Monday transcends all cultural, linguistic, and geographical boundaries. From Tokyo to Toronto, every human civilisation recognises Monday and responds with remarkably similar reluctance. It is perhaps the only weekly event that unites humanity in collective resignation.

Monday requires no translation. The word itself has become synonymous with difficulty across languages. 'Looks like someone has a case of the Mondays' is understood internationally as a profoundly irritating observation.