Topic Battle

The tiger's impact on its victims is, in contrast, refreshingly conclusive. Death by tiger typically occurs within minutes of initial contact, representing an efficient resolution compared to procrastination's decades-long attrition campaign. There is no chronic phase, no recovery period, no lengthy rehabilitation. The tiger commits fully to its interventions.

However, the statistical frequency of these interventions has declined precipitously. Tiger attacks now number fewer than 100 annually worldwide, a figure that pales beside procrastination's daily toll. The tiger has become, for most humans, a theoretical concern rather than a practical one — much like the deadlines we continuously ignore.

The tiger's approach to acquiring its objectives involves considerably more transparency. The attack sequence follows a predictable pattern: stalk, charge, and a brief but emphatic dental consultation. Success rates hover around 10%, meaning the tiger must attempt approximately ten hunts to secure a single meal. This is, by any measure, an inefficient conversion rate.

Furthermore, the tiger attack carries certain logistical constraints. The predator must physically locate prey, expend considerable calories in pursuit, and accept the risk of injury from defensive hooves. The tiger cannot attack through a smartphone screen. It cannot disguise itself as "one more episode." Its methodology, whilst undeniably dramatic, lacks the subtle persistence of its psychological counterpart.

Defence against tiger attack, whilst physically demanding, follows straightforward principles. Avoid tiger habitat. If unavoidable, travel in groups, make noise, and carry appropriate deterrents. The tiger's attacks, whilst devastating, are geographically predictable and largely preventable through sensible precaution.

Furthermore, humanity has developed remarkably effective tiger defence systems, including walls, vehicles, and projectile weapons. The tiger has not evolved countermeasures for any of these technologies. A locked door defeats the tiger completely. No equivalent barrier exists for procrastination, which passes through physical obstacles as though they were not there — because, of course, they are not.

The tiger's geographical range has contracted alarmingly over the past century, now restricted to scattered fragments of habitat across thirteen Asian countries. The global population of approximately 4,500 wild tigers could comfortably fit within a modest football stadium, which would admittedly create significant health and safety concerns.

This territorial limitation represents the tiger's most significant competitive disadvantage. The average human in North America, South America, Europe, Australia, or indeed most of Africa will live their entire life without encountering a wild tiger. The same cannot be said for procrastination, which makes house calls daily regardless of postcode. The tiger's distribution model has, frankly, failed to scale.

The tiger's evolutionary credentials are impeccable, representing approximately two million years of refinement in the predatory arts. Its muscular-skeletal system, sensory apparatus, and hunting instincts have been optimised through countless generations of natural selection. This is apex predation as nature intended.

Yet herein lies a crucial limitation: the tiger has stopped evolving in any meaningful sense. Its toolkit remains fundamentally unchanged since the Pleistocene. No adaptation addresses habitat loss, human population growth, or the invention of firearms. The tiger is a masterwork frozen in time, whilst procrastination continues to develop novel attack vectors with each technological advancement.