Squirrel
Squirrel survival strategies represent millions of years of evolutionary refinement. Their peripheral vision spans nearly 180 degrees per eye. They employ deceptive caching behaviour, pretending to bury nuts whilst predators observe, then relocating to secret locations. Urban squirrels have adapted to navigate traffic, exploit human feeding habits, and invade attics with remarkable success rates.
Darth Vader
Vader's survival record presents concerning inconsistencies. He has survived dismemberment, immolation in volcanic proximity, and decades in a high-maintenance life-support system. However, his decision-making frequently prioritises dramatic confrontation over self-preservation. His ultimate demise resulted from a brief electrical exposure whilst saving his son—admirable, certainly, but not strategically optimal.
VERDICT
The squirrel's unwavering commitment to self-preservation contrasts sharply with Vader's tendency toward fatal sentimentality. Squirrels do not throw emperors down reactor shafts. They focus on nut acquisition and avoiding hawks. This discipline ensures species continuity.