WiFi
Modern WiFi technology achieves genuinely impressive velocities. WiFi 6E delivers theoretical speeds of 9.6 Gbps, enabling entire film libraries to transfer in seconds. The electromagnetic waves themselves travel at the speed of light - approximately 299,792 kilometres per second - making WiFi technically one of the fastest things in existence.
Practical speeds, of course, tell a different story. Real-world performance typically achieves 10-20% of theoretical maximums, degraded by distance, interference, and the apparent spite of networking equipment. Still, streaming 4K video whilst video calling whilst downloading updates represents a genuine miracle of modern physics that most users take entirely for granted.
Death
Death's speed varies dramatically based on delivery mechanism. Instantaneous in cases of severe trauma, yet capable of proceeding at glacial pace over decades of gradual cellular deterioration. This flexibility represents not a weakness but rather sophisticated customisation options unavailable to more rigid services.
However, Death cannot transmit information. It moves at precisely the speed of biological or physical processes - which, whilst occasionally rapid, cannot compete with electromagnetic radiation. Death takes roughly 70-80 years on average to complete its work, considerably slower than even the most congested WiFi network. Patience, it seems, is Death's primary operational characteristic.